Shield and Sword

Well, I promised a new post, so here it is. It's not exactly a happy one, but it's something that's in the back of the mind of everyone who serves in the military (or it should be).
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I was watching a movie a few days ago, one I hadn't seen in a while. Anyone ever seen the original Planet of the Apes? The one with Charlton Heston? Well, if you haven't, one of the characters has a few good lines that speak to human nature. The movie was made back during the height of the Cold War (1968), so violence-bashing was a popular Hollywood theme. Here's one of the good ones:

"You are right, I have always known about man. From the evidence, I believe his wisdom must walk hand and hand with his idiocy. His emotions must rule his brain. He must be a warlike creature who gives battle to everything around him, even himself."

Now, given my profession of choice -- well, the profession I will enter in a few months, once I graduate -- people might find my discomfort with this observation a bit odd. Those who know me know that I don't mind a bit of violence here and there: I don't have a problem with putting terrorists in the ground where they belong, for example, and I do lack a certain degree of patience with diplomacy. I'll probably be one of those dads who teaches his kids to shoot when they're still young, because it's a fun sport (and teaching them young should instill in them a proper respect for life, not to mention safety). But I do notice a disturbing violent trend in our species. Just look at recent events: school shootings caused by bullying; drive-bys in cities related to gang warfare; just this week a man in California shot up a Christmas party over a divorce, then set the house on fire.

What is it with our species that drives us to inflict pain on those around us? In less than 200 years we (at least in this country) have gone from a simplistic, honorable society with black powder rifles to self-centered affluence, with drugs, missiles, and nuclear warheads. Seriously, for all the progress we've made in science and medicine, an equal amount (if not more) has been made in efficient ways of killing other people. In fact, many advances in medicine evolved from military research: where better to practice medical procedures and treatments than a battlefield?

Around my neck I wear a medallion that I had made several years ago, when I decided to join the military. On one side is St. Michael, the patron saint of soldiers. On the other side is a thistle, which symbolizes (among other things) protection. On one side is a reminder of what I do (war); on the other is a reminder of why I do it. I have worn this medallion every single day for the last eight years to remind me of the nature of the military. We are part of a service that is meant to kill people and break things. But at the same time, we are no regime protection force, meant to keep the current leaders in power. Nor is our primary mission to conquer other countries -- whatever the idiots at MoveOn.org might say: we can do that, but we don't like to, because it just makes us look like bullies.

Speaking from my point of view, and from what I've observed, military people generally don't like going to war, but we see it as a necessary evil. We don't like it because we're the ones out there getting killed while soft-handed (and -minded) people who've never been threatened by anything more menacing than a rabid squirrel debate on the morality of war and question our conduct. Oh sure, they'll say they "support the troops," but to many who use that phrase, it's nothing more than lip service while they try to get their agendas advanced and themselves promoted to better positions of personal power. We go because we know what's out there, and we know that there are things out there far more terrible than crazy squirrels. We go because we know somebody has to do it; we go because somebody has to be the shield and sword both.

I think that's at the heart of why people feel the way they do about people in uniform: people as a whole have a deep-rooted desire for security and safety. To the common person, a man (or woman) in uniform represents the shield that keeps them safe, and engenders feelings of trust found in few other places (to say nothing of the way we comport ourselves: respect is so different between the military and civilian worlds). It's not for nothing that the military holds itself to higher standards than most civilians: we know that to slip or slack might mean someone gets killed on down the line. We tolerate far fewer mistakes because a mistake (whether it be drug use or negligence) not corrected may (due to an underlying character fault) translate into something of far greater import later on. There are reasons the military has been #1 for the "Whom do you trust the most" question on several nation-wide polls, and that's a big part of it.

That said, I don't have a huge problem with being that shield and sword, but it makes a normal family life difficult. Believe me, I do want a family, but the strain military life puts on one (between the moving, the odd hours, and that little thing about possible death in the line of duty) makes things hard to even begin, because everyone hears the stories. But I've been repeatedly told that there is someone out there for me -- she must be out there right now -- so I don't give up hope, though I take many an arrow to the heart in the meantime. And in that meantime, I feel happy knowing that I am part of the shield and sword that allows others to find that happiness.

Well, this seems a bit far from where I started, but the conclusion I draw from this is thus: mankind is warlike and is the only species on the planet that actively searches for new ways to kill itself. However, there is also great capacity for love and good. Between those two extremes there are a few who know the dangers and potential of each side, and seek to use as much as necessary from either side to keep the two separate.

Those few are the military, the police, and others who actively defend the general populace from the evil present in the world. Most of us don't eagerly await the next chance to go out and deal death in pursuit of personal gain: because we understand the value of life, which is why we've chosen to preserve it as much as we can. Seeing the smiles on the faces of our friends and families, as well as those we help abroad is enough for us. So thank you to those who truly do support the troops, and know that the phrase is not merely something to fill an empty speech with.
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Thoughts? I warned you this would be a deep post, and not exactly happy. I swear I'm not writing this as a means to garner sympathy or points for myself. This is what I truly believe. If you choose to believe me or not, that's up to you.

--Mr. NFO 2009

Sending Holiday Cheer

Merry Christmas to all!

That said, please remember those who are spending this Christmas far from home and loved ones (I know I'm going to be in that situation relatively soon): at sea, overseas, and otherwise deployed, allowing you to enjoy your holidays with your family; they are not so lucky, but they're an all-volunteer force. Please keep them in mind as you go about your day.

Short post again, because it's time to head for my aunt's (she's the only one with a house big enough for the whole family). I've got a good topic for the next post though, I promise. Today just isn't the day for it.

Happy holidays again!

--Mr. NFO 2009

Photo Memories

Please pardon the jealousy-inducing photos I'm putting up here. Since I wrote that entry last night, the thought of travel has been growing larger and larger in my mind. I don't know if I'm going to get a chance to do much traveling over spring break (last year would be hard to top), but if I do, it's going to be going back to Florida for more snorkeling/SCUBA in the Keys. I wish I had photos from the last time I did that, but I'll have to be content with Wyoming and Italy.

Short post, I know, but it's been a busy day, cleaning and cooking for a family dinner; everyone got to pitch in (my job was mostly picking up the grandmothers and decorating the tree). Enjoy the photos! I know I enjoyed taking them, and wish I was back there! I promise I'll try to have my next post be one of my deep insights into the human psyche. But for now, all I can focus on is the memories behind the trips contained in those photos.

To See the World

I want to travel. Everyone says I'll be doing plenty of that once I'm commissioned in May, but once that happens, I'll have very little freedom. Sure, there'll be the chance at seeing some far-off places (garden spots like Bahrain and Guam come to mind), but I won't have much of a choice in where I'd be going. "Needs of the service" and all that fun stuff. Well, I suppose Pensacola will be fun (Gulf Coast of Florida and all that) while I'm there for flight school. After that though, who knows?

I've had a deep-rooted urge to see the UK--specifically Scotland--for several years now. I'll most likely have the opportunity to travel come summer, when I get 30 days of basket leave. I really, really want to do a little bit of irresponsible spending to see the world while I have the chance (but how is traveling abroad irresponsible when it doesn't become a habit?), but I don't want to do it by myself. I'm terrible at meeting new people, so I want to be able to enjoy the sights with somebody, rather than having nobody to talk to but myself the whole time. One person, a few people, whomever.

Dammit, even if I can't make it to the UK, I still want to do something for my last summer of my free life--once I'm done, I'm done. Even if it's just a road trip back to Wyoming to see mountains again, I want to do something. But it doesn't look like anyone else would be able to: either financial or temporal conflicts--usually both. I've talked with some friends who did a week in the UK a couple of years ago: London, Edinburgh, Glasgow, and Cork, for around $2000 ($1000 travel, the rest spending money). They said their problem was that they tried to do too much too fast. If I end up going, I want to fly into London, spend a day or two there, then hit Edinburgh. Maybe a day trip or something to Loch Ness, but that's it--I don't want the whole thing to be one giant road trip, I want to see more than just the M1 and other highways.

Oh yes readers, I've been to 40 states (including Hawaii), Italy, Mexico, several Caribbean islands, and a brief stop in England, but Italy was the only foreign country I spent any length of time in. I want to go to Scotland and see the castles and the highlands; I want to go to England and see the history there. I want to go back to Wyoming and stand on a ridge with a view again; I want to go to Alaska and see the beauty of Nature undiminished. Here's hoping I get the chance to see something like this again:

(I took this out my tent's door one morning in the Wyoming backcountry; the one at the beginning was taken...atop a ridge on the same backpacking trip).

Oh to feel the mountain wind on my face again! That's some of the stuff dreams are made of!

--Mr. NFO 2009

Old Post

This is an edited version of a prior post I put up elsewhere. To give you some background, I'd been led on by someone in a romantic sense, only to be dropped like a hot rock when it suited her. I had to find out from a mutual friend just what was going on, so that was not so good. But it gets so much better than that (can you feel the sarcasm in there?). I recently tried "going green" as I've heard it put: trying to date the same person again. Except this time I was used (again) and started to be ignored (again), except this time I recognized it for what it was. I was being used to make her feel good, while she had no emotional attachment; I doubt she has any deep attachment to anyone.

When I asked her about it, she tried to push it off on me, saying I was reading too much into things. I guess I took hearing "I love you" directed at me a little too seriously. The way that phrase is casually bandied about these days causes me to really hesitate before I utter it -- too many people have forgotten the meaning. In any case, I was unable to get her to see what she was doing -- what she had been doing for the entire time I've known her. The fact is, she's right in her own mind, it's what makes her happy that matters, and the rest of the world can burn for all she cares.

Bah, enough of this. You're here for learning, not to hear me complain. On to the old post! It's largely still applicable today.
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Most people in my age bracket are content to play the social butterfly, both because they're having too much fun to settle down, and because they're of the "never trust, never get hurt" mentality. The problem with being a social butterfly is that while they might have a wide circle of friends, deep-rooted friendships are few and far between, which is just begging for a world of hurt should life come along and give the butterfly a reality check. Well, I suppose this is supposed to be the time of life that's about exploration and figuring out what you want. But that's not an excuse for treating someone else's emotions as playthings.

There's a reason a significant other is often referred to as a "better half." That reason is that without someone else with which you can share the world and life's experiences, how can you ever truly be a whole person? In addition, life is people. And though acquaintances are all well and good, someone who goes beyond even the level of "really good friend I've known all my life" is the rarest and most precious of gems.

There's a problem with looking for love: everyone's definition of love is different. Some (like me) are looking for it, and know what it is, while others (most of my age group) seem to be afraid of it. But if you put up walls, it invites people to try to batter them down: some for good reasons, some for ill. And the ones who want to do good are rarely strong enough because they see the hurt it will cause. The sad thing is, Truth is something few want to hear, so more often, the good are shut out to be a voice in the wilderness, while the wicked are admitted with a smile.

People love their fears. They are familiar things that can be clung to. That's what prompts them to keep their walls up. But keeping the walls up keeps only the good out. The wicked will find their own way in. Hence, the danger with "never trust, never get hurt." That is a lie, made all the more painful and dangerous, because it is a lie to oneself. To quote The King's Buccaneer:

"Fear holds us and binds us and keeps us from growing. It kills a small piece of us each day. It holds us to what we know and keeps us from what is possible, and it is our worst enemy. Fear doesn't announce itself; it's disguised, and it's subtle. It's choosing the safe course; most of us feel we have 'rational' reasons to avoid taking risks. The brave man is not the one without fear but the one who does what he must despite being afraid."

Too many people subscribe to the "never trust, never get hurt" idea. It should in fact be "never trust, never laugh, never love, never live." Without trust, there might be laughter, but it is hollow, for there is nothing deeper than the surface. There might be lust, but never love. And that is not life.

Yes ladies, there are sensitive men out there. We're not all grunting, snorting barbarians. All you have to do is look, and have the courage to accept what you find instead of running from it. If you want a "nice guy," find him; but don't go leading them on, only to run off with someone who's going to make you unhappy, just because you're afraid.
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I got some interesting responses to that last time. I wonder what this one will garner?

--Mr. NFO 2009

Here I am, yet again with a new blog account. It seems each loses its appeal after a fairly short time: first LiveJournal, then MySpace, now I start with BlogSpot. We'll see how far this one goes. I expect it will be more of my philosophizing as a result from my experiences in life (just like it says in the little "About Me" blurb), but that kind of thing works best if it's a two-way (at minimum) exchange. That is, my ideas are just my ideas, with nothing else to bounce them off of, or to substantiate or challenge them, unless there is discourse going on. So, comment away, dear readers! Well, when I start posting properly. I expect that will happen once I get settled back into the routine of being home for the holidays. I might just throw some older posts from other places up here for starters -- just to get things moving.

I'd make this a longer post, but it's almost dinnertime, and I've got to make sure the slow cooker is doing its job properly. I figured I'd try a new recipe today: I hope everyone likes French dip sandwiches. The smell wafting from the kitchen is astounding (but in a good way). So long!

--Mr. NFO 2009