Old Post

This is an edited version of a prior post I put up elsewhere. To give you some background, I'd been led on by someone in a romantic sense, only to be dropped like a hot rock when it suited her. I had to find out from a mutual friend just what was going on, so that was not so good. But it gets so much better than that (can you feel the sarcasm in there?). I recently tried "going green" as I've heard it put: trying to date the same person again. Except this time I was used (again) and started to be ignored (again), except this time I recognized it for what it was. I was being used to make her feel good, while she had no emotional attachment; I doubt she has any deep attachment to anyone.

When I asked her about it, she tried to push it off on me, saying I was reading too much into things. I guess I took hearing "I love you" directed at me a little too seriously. The way that phrase is casually bandied about these days causes me to really hesitate before I utter it -- too many people have forgotten the meaning. In any case, I was unable to get her to see what she was doing -- what she had been doing for the entire time I've known her. The fact is, she's right in her own mind, it's what makes her happy that matters, and the rest of the world can burn for all she cares.

Bah, enough of this. You're here for learning, not to hear me complain. On to the old post! It's largely still applicable today.
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Most people in my age bracket are content to play the social butterfly, both because they're having too much fun to settle down, and because they're of the "never trust, never get hurt" mentality. The problem with being a social butterfly is that while they might have a wide circle of friends, deep-rooted friendships are few and far between, which is just begging for a world of hurt should life come along and give the butterfly a reality check. Well, I suppose this is supposed to be the time of life that's about exploration and figuring out what you want. But that's not an excuse for treating someone else's emotions as playthings.

There's a reason a significant other is often referred to as a "better half." That reason is that without someone else with which you can share the world and life's experiences, how can you ever truly be a whole person? In addition, life is people. And though acquaintances are all well and good, someone who goes beyond even the level of "really good friend I've known all my life" is the rarest and most precious of gems.

There's a problem with looking for love: everyone's definition of love is different. Some (like me) are looking for it, and know what it is, while others (most of my age group) seem to be afraid of it. But if you put up walls, it invites people to try to batter them down: some for good reasons, some for ill. And the ones who want to do good are rarely strong enough because they see the hurt it will cause. The sad thing is, Truth is something few want to hear, so more often, the good are shut out to be a voice in the wilderness, while the wicked are admitted with a smile.

People love their fears. They are familiar things that can be clung to. That's what prompts them to keep their walls up. But keeping the walls up keeps only the good out. The wicked will find their own way in. Hence, the danger with "never trust, never get hurt." That is a lie, made all the more painful and dangerous, because it is a lie to oneself. To quote The King's Buccaneer:

"Fear holds us and binds us and keeps us from growing. It kills a small piece of us each day. It holds us to what we know and keeps us from what is possible, and it is our worst enemy. Fear doesn't announce itself; it's disguised, and it's subtle. It's choosing the safe course; most of us feel we have 'rational' reasons to avoid taking risks. The brave man is not the one without fear but the one who does what he must despite being afraid."

Too many people subscribe to the "never trust, never get hurt" idea. It should in fact be "never trust, never laugh, never love, never live." Without trust, there might be laughter, but it is hollow, for there is nothing deeper than the surface. There might be lust, but never love. And that is not life.

Yes ladies, there are sensitive men out there. We're not all grunting, snorting barbarians. All you have to do is look, and have the courage to accept what you find instead of running from it. If you want a "nice guy," find him; but don't go leading them on, only to run off with someone who's going to make you unhappy, just because you're afraid.
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I got some interesting responses to that last time. I wonder what this one will garner?

--Mr. NFO 2009